Fourth Station: Jesus is denied by Peter

Now when Peter was in the court below, there cometh one of the maidservants of the high priest. And when she had seen Peter warming himself, looking on him she saith: Thou also wast with Jesus of Nazareth. But he denied, saying: I neither know nor understand what thou sayest. And he went forth before the court; and the cock crew. And again a maidservant seeing him, began to say to the standers by: This is one of them. But he denied again. And after a while they that stood by said again to Peter: Surely thou art one of them; for thou art also a Galilean. But he began to curse and to swear, saying; I know not this man of whom you speak. And immediately the cock crew again. And Peter remembered the word that Jesus had said unto him: Before the cock crow twice, thou shalt thrice deny me. And he began to weep.
(Mk 14:66-72, Douay-Rheims Version)

In the previous station, my meditation showed me how being rash could cause me to condemn another. In this meditation, I encounter another person who was rash, albeit in a different way. In his early encounters with Jesus, St. Peter was aware of his weakness and sinfulness. That was why he asked Jesus to depart from him (see Lk 5:8).

Being with Jesus gave St. Peter more confidence. His fidelity to Jesus also allowed him to receive many graces. He was able to walk on the water (see Mt 14:23-33). He was able to receive the Father’s revelation that Jesus was the Christ (see Mt 16:13-17). However, he became overconfident and ended up being called Satan (see Mt 16:23), resorting to violence (see Jn 18:10) and boasting that he would stay faithful to Jesus. Yet we know that in the end, Peter would deny Jesus three times, betraying the master he said he would stay with. Most importantly, he did not reject the grace of repentance. It is only in St. Matthew’s Gospel that St. Peter is seen to weep bitterly (see Mt 26:75), indicating that he regretted what he had done. Judas also regretted his actions but did not see any hope in repentance and eventually took his own life (see Mt 27:5). St. Peter, on the other hand, continued to live in hope, relying on the mercy of God, and eventually becoming a leader Jesus called him to be.

Every year, I renew my baptismal promises at Easter. I promise I will reject evil and sin, and believe in God who loves us. Yet, I am also aware that I would, like St. Peter, end up denying Jesus through my sin. Yet, I must also learn from St. Peter to swallow my pride and admit my wrongs, and then trust in the mercy and grace of God.

Jesus predicted St. Peter’s denial. He looked at St. Peter when the cock crowed. I tried to imagine what Jesus looked like at the time. Was it an accusatory look? Was it an I told you so look? Was it a look of disappointment? Was it a look of compassion? In the many times I had meditated on St. Peter’s denial, Jesus’ face took on different expressions. When I was struggling with sin, the expression was one of compassion. There was even an I told you so look when I had been self-righteous. In this last meditation that I made, Jesus simply looked tired and anxious. He seemed to be anxious for St. Peter. It was a look of pleading. He was appealing to St. Peter to turn back to God the Father and seek solace there. With an emotion that was welling up in himself, St. Peter understood that his master knew what He was doing, and that he (St. Peter) should repent and turn back to God. That was why he left to weep.

In these times where we cannot worship together, let us pray to the Lord Jesus to be compassionate on us as he was with St. Peter. In our anxiety and desperation, we might even deny that Jesus is allowing this crisis to help us strengthen our faith.When he turns to look at us, may we be able to accept God’s grace in the same way that Peter did and turn back to the God who loves us.